It's Mother's Day, a day to be celebrated. A day that should be filled with happiness, hugs, cuddles and kisses. But for too many it is a reminder of what we once had. A reminder that some women's arms are still empty when they should be full. I know this all to well for it is my fourth Mother's Day the first three were celebrate with this reminder.
Last night as I peeked at and kissed my sleeping daughter my heart over flowed with joy at the blessing God had given me. I wasn't sure why as I kissed Jericho I started crying until I realized that Mother's Day was tomorrow. I hadn't let myself think about mother's day. My tears were both of joy and of sadness. I've been trying not to think of mother's day and I've been doing a good job. It still surprises me how my coping mechanisms have been working to help me conveniently forget that mother's day was getting closer. Every time I thought of getting a package ready to send my mom I've come up with and excuse as to why I couldn't do it at that time. Now I see that it was because I didn't want to think about mother's day at all so I didn't. How was I going to react this year? I would be my first year with a little one at home and I'm so thankful and blessed to have Jericho in my life but I still have two aren't with me and it's hard.
Today I couldn't help but think of and pray for Susie who had to say goodbye to sweet Joshua only 8 weeks ago. She should be spending her first Mother's day with Joshua instead it is her first without him. I also thought of Sarah who's had 3 miscarriages and is wondering when her first mother's day with full arms will be and there are countless other mommy's who's hearts are aching on this day.
And so as I started my Mother's Day at 12:03 am nursing my daughter because my sweet Jericho wanted to be the first to wish me a Happy Mother's Day I couldn't help but think how blessed I am. Then at 6 am this morning as I was washing the cute little tussy of that same sweet baby because she blew out of her diaper all I could do was smile and thank God that this Mother's Day my arms and heart are full.
So as I sit here with tears streaming down my face realizing that for me, no matter how many little ones I have at home, Mother's Day will always be bitter sweet I praise my God for the little blessing, in the form of babies, that he has giving me. For my Gracie that was the first to make me a mommy. For my Gideon that was the first one I got to hold, kiss and snuggle. For my Jericho that is the first to give me a Mother's Day with full arms. I am so blessed to be their mommy.