I was reading in Romans the other day, chapter 7 starting in verse 7 to be exact,where it talks about the struggle with sin. The difference between living in the spirit or giving in to the flesh. Sometimes I can feel this struggle going on with in me. I told Seth last night that in many areas in my life right now I can feel that struggle. It's so strong at times it feels physical. I've been so conscious of the choices I have been making lately, sometimes I choose to live in the spirit and sometimes I give in to my flesh.
In my life when I have felt this fight between flesh and spirit it has been because I know the Lord is calling me to a higher place. He is calling me into a deeper relationship with Him and I must choose. Will I answer His call or will I stay where I am, which often times means slipping further from Him. I hate being in this place, yet I love it too. How can that be?
I love being in this place because I know that at the end of this battle, even if it takes me awhile I've found that God is very patient, I will choose God. I will choose to answer the call and be closer to the God that I love. At the end of the battle I will be tired and wore out but the Lord will refresh and renew me for fighting hard and choosing Him.
You may ask how I know I will always choose God and honestly I'm not sure but I always have. I haven't always chosen Him right away and there have been a few times that it has taken me a LONG time to choose Him but in the end I always choose God and I have never once regretted it. I think a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. My parents taught me that being a christian is not easy but it you love the Lord and try to please Him in everything you do you will not be let down.
It's also a hard place to be. It's hard because I don't always make the right choice. In the fight I get knocked down and sometimes it's hard to pick myself up and go at it again. I don't know anyone that likes being in a fight. Plus during these battles I'm conscious of everything I do. No one likes being conscious of when they allow their flesh to take over and I am no different.
Let me just take a moment to explain that when I'm talking about giving into the flesh I'm not talking about going out and partying or having an affair or anything like that. Yes I believe those things are giving into the flesh but they are not the things of the flesh that I struggle with. My struggles are many times very small and stupid which annoys me because of how stupid they are. I'll give you an example. I made cookies the other night, nothing wrong with that, and I ate a cookie, nothing wrong with that either, but then I ate another one and another one and at some point I know that I don't need any more I don't even want anymore but still I choose to eat them. See how stupid that is. I don't know why the Lord uses a cookie or any type of food, but sometimes for me that is enough.
Now I don't want you to think that eating a cookie is the only thing I struggle with. I definitely have bigger struggles than choosing what to eat but I just wanted to show you how every part of my life right now, even down to the choice of eating a cookie, is a battle between my flesh and spirit.
It's not always like this, Praise the Lord. It usually lasts a few weeks before I'm on my face telling God that He can have all of me, every part of me, and I mean it with all my heart. I don't know why I can't get to that point sooner but then again I think a lot of it is about the struggle. The fight that we have to go through to get to that point is what makes us who we are. I think God knows that and that's why He makes us fight it out and choose. The fight is not easy it never will be, but it's always worth it and it always will be!