Saturday, May 17, 2008

Tusting the mommy instinct

self portrait taken with my phone

There was a conference at church at the beginning of the week and then a discipleship program that Seth is involved in the rest of the week and weekend. It's been one of those weeks that if you are home it's to eat and maybe get the baby down for a decent nap (although I don't think that ever happened) only to head right back out the door. Yeah one of those weeks. The only time we were home was to eat or sleep and the sleep side was lacking but it was all worth it. We heard a lot of powerful messages and God really challenged me with some things!

Thankfully my wonderful and amazing sister (Tori thank you SO MUCH! I was really able to enjoy the conference with Seth and I needed that) is living with us and she so graciously said she would babysit. So, I was able to get Jericho in bed at her normal time every night except one oh and last night it was just a little later than normal. Does any one else feel guilty when there children don't get good naps and then are up late and it happens for a few days in a row? I always feel so bad when I have Jericho out past her bed time. It doesn't happen very often and when it does she does wonderful, she is happy if she's awake or if I put her down she sleeping wherever we are but I still feel guilty. I always wonder if I should have stayed home with her. Is that just part of being a mommy? I wonder if I'm just borrowing trouble when in reality there is no need for it because as I said she does great in these situation. Am I the only one that struggles with this? I am a pastors wife and so part of me longs to minister with my husband or when the chance comes that we actually get to sit and enjoy a service together I want to take it (they are few and far between). But I am also a mommy and I want to do what's right for my daughter. I guess maybe I feel selfish because of my need to be with my husband or my need to be filled spiritually. But selfishness it is not. I would say that is one of the last things I'm being because in order for me to be the best mommy to Jericho I must have these things from time to time. The Lord knows that and so he blesses me by allowing the nursery works to tell me what a delight and joy Jericho is when she is in the nursery. I also know that Jericho would let me know if it were to much. I know her. I can read the signs. I think that the mommyness is us knows when it is to much for our little ones. When to go and when to stay home. Right?!? Why can't we just trust that instinct? There are many times that I say no and choose not to go to something for her sake.Why can't we just trust ourselves and that we really do know what is best for our child? Both last night and this morning I choose to take part in my mommy instincts and said no. There was more of the discipleship program that I was welcome to attend, they even had child care, but decided not to go. We've been going none stop since Tuesday, it's already Saturday and Sundays are usually our crazy day. I just couldn't do it today, for my sake as a mommy and Jericho's as a baby that needs a good nap in her own crib not a car seat (it's the only other place she'll sleep now) and some down time at home. Plus, I miss my baby. She does great in the nursery but I miss getting her all to myself during the day. We haven't gotten much play time in and this mommy needs play time with her baby girl. I guess I am slowly learning to trust that mommy instinct in me but it starts with me trusting in God. How about you how are you doing with it?

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, I have a baby to play with (oh and a house to clean. someone please tell me why during your busiest weeks you tend to come in dump everything and just leave it because you are so tired? Do you do that? Maybe it's just me.) God bless!

3 comments:

Becky D said...

I was in the nursery without Jericho :( Aparently we gave her number to someone else, so Seth came in thinking she was crying, and she wasn't even there. That was funny...

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

You know Jericho best - and you are so sensitive to her needs. You sound like you have a lot of wisdom in this area, which is so necessary with being a pastor's wife. Sometimes it is hard to find the balance, but it sure seems like you are doing great!

And perhaps God made Jericho very flexible, because that is just what you are going to need her to be like. He will continue to give you the wisdom and discernment you need.

Glad you were able to enjoy the meetings with Seth!! They sounded like they were excellent, from talking with my grandparents!

-Andrea

Anonymous said...

Do you know how many pics I have of you and Kelsey just like that...that you took with my camera while I was gone! I am so glad I always left you with my camera! It made me feel like I was a part of what was going on! Thanks Trues!
Wulf