Monday, July 14, 2008
I will not hold back anymore!
Seth, love of my life, my peanut butter, my one my ONLY, my other half,
Life is so sweet when I share it with you. I wish I could put into words all the things I feel inside when I think about you. At times I feel like I'm going to bust at the seams trying to hold back all the love I have for you. Why do I hold it back? I'm not sure. I am afraid of it. I've never seen someone love somebody else as much as I love you. I'm afraid that if I let it all out it will be to much. I don't know if there can ever be to much love for one person but it's possible then I'm there. I don't want to hold it in. I'm working on letting it all out but it's hard. I want you to see and know that I am absolutely, positively, over flowingly, profusely and abundantly in love with YOU! It's scary realizing that you are so incredibly in love with someone that you don't know if you could function without them, if you could live without them. I don't ever want to have to live with out you. Seth, I am afraid to admit how much I love you. I am afraid for anyone to see how crazy I am about you. I am afraid to lose you.
I decided something today. I decided that I am not going to hold back any more, Seth. We've already lost too much, too many times. Those loses are the reason why I've held back in the first place but I can't do it anymore. I'd rather love you with every fiber of my body and than hold back just because I am scared to lose you. I've been telling myself that I would be better off if I hold back because then I were to lose you it wouldn't hurt so bad. That's a lie. It would hurt worse. It would be unbearable. How could I live knowing that I didn't show you and everyone else how much I love. How desperately I need you. I'm sorry I've been believing this lie but the light has come and I am afraid no more. Well, I'm still a little afraid but I know in the end this choice is the one I want. The one I choose without looking back. I don't want there to be any doubt in any ones mind, especially yours, of how much I love you. I need you like a fish needs water. You complete me in every way. God created me for you.
There is a song called When God Made You by Natalie Grant & Newsong it's a wonderful song but there are a few things that I would change. You see I don't wonder what God was thinking when he created you. I know. God was thinking of me when he created you! He knew everything that I needed in a husband and he put all that everything in you. I know God heard every prayer that I prayed when I was asking for a husband because all my prayers were answered in one simple, handsome, talented, God fearing, amazing man. Seth, you are everything I've ever wanted or dreamed of and so much more!
One of my favorite parts in the song is when the girl sings:
I promise that wherever you may go
Wherever life may lead you
With all my heart I'll be there too
From this moment on I want you to know
I'll let nothing come between us
And I will love the ones you love
Now gone are all my questions about why
And I've never been so sure of anything in my life
You - Seth - are perfect for me! The day you were born 26 years (and 1 day) ago God was thinking about me and how perfect we would be (are) together. Whenever and wherever you go I will be with you. With all my heart I will follow you. With every ounce of my being I will love you.
To the moon & back & a lot more,